The Jesuit Sense of Humor

Jokes about Jesuits:

1) Company of Jesus:

One cold winter's day in Bethlehem, just after he had been born, Jesus is lying asleep in the manger. Awaking from his nap, he opens his eyes, sees the ox and the ass standing beside him, and thinks to himself, "So this is the Company of Jesus!"

2) Definition:

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams. (from "A Catholic Dictionary")

3) Holy Smoke:

There is always a right way and a wrong way to succeed:
Two Jesuit novices both wanted a cigarette while they prayed. They decided to ask their superior for permission. The first asked but was told no. A little while later he spotted his friend smoking. "Why did the superior allow you to smoke and not me?" he asked. His friend replied, "Because you asked if you could smoke while you meditated, and I asked if I could meditate while I smoked!".

4) Limits to God's Knowledge:

There are three things that even God does not know about the Church:

1. How many congregations of religious women there are!
2. How much money the Franciscans have stashed away!
3. What the Jesuits are going to do next!

5) Vocation:

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, but the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker, and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

from http://catholic-resources.org/JesuitJokes.htm